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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Today at 4:00 am Landon became an angel... We have known that our time with him would be limited, but nothing could prepare us for how much our hearts would be aching. We have chosen to be happy, and celebrate Landon's life. We were so lucky to have Landon as our son, he was so amazing, and brought us so much happiness and love. He taught us the true meaning of unconditional love. He made us a family. He will always always always be in our hearts!! There will not be a single day that goes by that we won't remember our son and think about him and how much he fought to stay with us for 58 days!! He was so strong, but his little body just could not take anymore. Yesterday morning is when we knew his time was coming soon. He stopped breathing so much, and we kept giving him mouth to mouth. As the day went on, it seemed like he was starting to be in pain before each episode. He would tense up, his whole body would not move, and he would scream... not cry, but scream. He looked scared. After his episode was over he had a lifeless look in his eye, he was not himself. We gave him a bath, and cried through the whole thing, we knew that it was probably the last bath we would ever give him. We had to make a decision, what to do? We have always said as long and he was fighting, we would fight with him. But we did not want to be selfish and keep bringing him back, just to cause him the same pain all over again. We decided it was time to let him go. And we did. It was so incredibly hard to just sit there and hold our baby knowing that he was dying. We told him over and over how much we love him, and how strong he has been. We told him how special he is, and how we will never forget him. He is the best thing to ever happen to us. After 1/2 hour his heart stopped beating (3:59 am). And we just cried, that's all we could do, cry and hold our baby. We took some pictures, 78 to be exact, then we got ready to go. We dressed him, and wrapped him in a warm blanket, he was so cold. We brought a teddy bear with him so he wasn't alone. We walked to the hospital. When we got there we went into the trauma room, the nurse came in with the doctor, we talked to them briefly. Shortly after the chaplain came in and prayed with us, he held our hands and placed them on Landon. After that we were left to spend alone time with Landon, we talked to him the whole time. We told him thank you for being our baby, that he was the best baby we could ever have, and that he was wonderful. We kissed him all the way from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. Then it was time to go. There are absolutely no words to describe what we had to do next. We had to lay our baby on the bed, turn around and leave. We broke down. We kissed him, told him we love him, and we told him how much we are going to miss him. We told him he is absolutely perfect. Then we left. We miss him, we miss him so much. We will never get over this, but we are working together to get through this. That's why we have chosen to be happy. Landon made us happy, just thinking of him makes us smile. We will remember him always as our perfect, beautiful baby boy.
*We have posted some photos, the last 3 may be too hard for some people to see, they were taken after he passed. So don't scroll down if you don't want to see them. We thought they were sweet and beautiful and wanted to share them with anyone who wanted to see them*


Landon's last bath
Last night after bath time
His adorable feet that we love so much...
with Mommy and Daddy's wedding rings
Landon and Mommy
Landon and Daddy


23 Comments:

Blogger Tori said...

Erin and Charlie, You are both so strong and were such wonderful, strong, and loving parents to dear Landon. Hold eachother close and be proud of yourselves for the excellent job you have done. You provided Landon with a warm and loving home before God took him to his glorious home in heaven. I love you both so much and admire the fact that you are celebrating Landon's life!
Tori

August 6, 2008 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger rachael said...

Carlos and Erin,
Any words that I can think to write seem so expressionless and insufficient, but I just wanted you to know that I can not imagine ever possessing the strength that you both have displayed throughout this terribly short journey with Landon. You are an exceptional couple with amazing love and faith. God bless you in your time of grief. I will pray that your hearts be healed and for your strength to never be broken.

Thank you for inviting us into your lives and expressing your most intimate thoughts and details. We all will be celebrating Landon's life and remembering him in our hearts.

Thinking of you,
Rachael Eklund

August 6, 2008 at 11:52 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Carlos and Erin,
I have no words right now except that we are grieving with you. Since the moment I met you I knew you were special people. It wasn't until just now that I realized just how special. God has truly blessed you both with such tremendous gifts I feel like a better person from just knowing you. Landon was a tremendous present God entrusted you with and He could not have picked more perfect parents for such a dear sweet boy. Thank you both for allowing us into your lives. You are in our hearts and prayers.

God Bless you,
Jennifer Benefield

August 7, 2008 at 12:13 AM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Charlie, my oldest friend, and Erin, who I've never met but have so much respect for...
Landon could not have chosen better parents. You two are an inspiration and a beacon of light in this world. My thoughts are with you two and Landon. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm happy that you are keeping a positive attitude and celebrating Landon's life.
Love and warmest regards,
Lauren Dankel (Dominguez)

August 7, 2008 at 3:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin and Charlie, I just want to say how proud I am of both of you. You have been so strong through all of this. Our hearts ache for you but just contine to love one another and share the joy you had with Landon. No one could have done it any better.
Just know that now Landon is a little angel in heaven with Jesus.God has a plan for Landon, we don't know that plan but one day it will be made known to us.
Grandma and Grandpa love you very much and our hearts ache for you, just continue to celebrate his life and remain happy.

Love Grandpa Gary

August 7, 2008 at 5:07 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your faith is amazing and has touched so many. I will continue to lift you up in prayer.

In Christ,
Kathy Trendley (Chaplin Benefield's sister)

August 7, 2008 at 5:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin and Charlie, my heart aches for you. Landon was a joy for all of us. He was a very special child given to two very special parents. Your strength is amazing, and you are right, we should celebrate Landon. I know you are an inspiration for everyone who knows you and I wish all mothers and fathers could hear the story of your love for Landon and the way you cared for him before God took him in his arms to be with him. I never got to hold Landon in my arms, but I've held him in my heart and he will always be there. Love Grandma Lawania

August 7, 2008 at 5:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin & Charlie I Followed your blogs daily sometimes checking twice a day. The two of you are without a doubt two of the best parents in this world. You showed Landon all the love humanly possible. I am sure of that. Your son Landon is and always will be in my heart. I admire you both for being so strong for your son.

Bobbie

August 7, 2008 at 6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin and Charlie,
My heart is breaking for you yet, it is so full of love. For only being on this earth for 58 days, Landon was such an inspiration to all of us. I do believe in miracles and he was one. I also believe that the two of you were his angels. You showed such love, strength and maturity in everything that you have done. God bless you both.
Love,
Great, Great Aunt Marilyn

August 7, 2008 at 6:44 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Erin & Carlos, I sit hear & read this with tears rolling down uncontrollably. I know I've never even met you, but you all have been so close to my heart lately. As a mother, I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through & continue to go through. I am in awe of your strength. It is such a blessing to know that you are rejoicing in what God gave you & that you are not just grieving, but celebrating this precious life that you have blessed with. I have no doubt in my mind that Landon knew how much you loved him & I'm sure that he was comforted by the love & touch of his parents until the Lord came & took over for you. I will continue to pray for your emotional healing & continued strength, both individually & as husband & wife.

In His love,
Katie Crass

August 7, 2008 at 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know there is nothing that can be said to change the way you guys are feeling or to bring your beautiful boy back. But I wanted to let you know we are always praying for you three, and have been so touched by the situation. Landon may have only been with you for 58 days but the affect he had on sooooo many people and the affect you guys had on people just by be being such great people is amazing. Evryone should be so lucky in life to have as amazing parents as you two. much love always in our thoughts and prayers. <3 Nicole and the boys

August 7, 2008 at 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin and Carlos, You are amazing people. Landon was blessed to have you both and we are all lucky to have had Landon in our lives. We have learned so much from him during his short time here. We will all hold Landon in our hearts forever! Ever since you was little, Erin, I knew you were special and now I know there isn't anything that you can't do!!! We love you so much! You are in our thoughts and prayers every day! Love Aunt Vicki

August 7, 2008 at 2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are the best parents any child could ever possibly ask for. Landon loves you as much as you love him. And he is shining down on you both, watching you, without pain or discomfort. He is your angel now and forever. He will always be with you, in your hearts, minds, and your every being. Celebrate him with smiles and tears, and know you will see him again someday.

God Bless you guys,
Jodie

August 7, 2008 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger Karen Benefield said...

"God Needed an Angel in Heaven"

When Jesus lived upon the earth
so many years ago,

He called the children close to Him
because He loved them so...

And with that tenderness of old,
that same sweet, gentle way,

He holds your little Landon close
within His arms today...

And you'll find comfort in your faith that in His Home above

The God of little children gives
your little one His love...

So think of your little Landon
lighthearted and happy and free

Playing in God's Pomised Land
where there is joy eternally.

**************************

We will be continually in prayer for you in the days ahead. You have our sincere sympathy. Your little Landon is so precious. May God Bless you both in your loss.

Randy & Karen Benefield
(Chaplain Benefield's parents)

August 7, 2008 at 3:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Erin and Carlos,
We are extremely sad for you both.... We do feel the love you had for that precious boy and he was beautiful! All three of you have shown so many people courage and strength throughout Landon’s life . The smell on his blanket and the ache in your heart will fade. However, the joy and the memories will live forever. We are all so very proud and amazed at you both. I never knew what unselfish love was until now. Thank you so much for sharing your love, humor and sadness with all of us. You are in our prayers and thoughts. We Love you both!!!! Aunt Karen and Uncle Brad

August 7, 2008 at 3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin & Carlos-
My heart is broken, yet so full of love for Landon and you two. What a fighter he was and you two continue to be. Landon has been in my thoughts for the last 58 days (and before) and will be for the rest of my life - he has made such an impact on my heart. Know that you are so very loved.
Allison

August 7, 2008 at 7:51 PM  
Blogger Mima said...

QUERIDO Hijos Mios!!
Charlie I want you to know my hart aches for not being available to be by your side in one of your most dificult time of your life having you as a son it is the best blessing that God gime me and you are the best son that any mother can have and that is way I'm very sure God Bring Erin in our lifes so you both could take care his little Angel he sand to our lifes for some reason.
Landon brough a big mountan of Love between us and Ering you have to know that you are the best dougther any mother wants for her son I want you to know I'm very proud to have you as my dougther
and proud of both of you for being so strong parents and please if you need anything let me know
I know Lando is very happy right now in Heven knowing that his loved by you and all of us
and like you say we are going to celebrate Landos Life he has to know he din't bring anything alse in our lifes but happines
"we love landon"
Mom

August 7, 2008 at 9:02 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I will think of all of you and say a special prayer.... I know no words can erase the pain or help but know that there are those who care and share your pain and wish you comfort and peace. Landon was wonderful and his life will be remembered always through you and those who had the privilegee to share your pictures and blog.

August 7, 2008 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger LoveBugZ said...

Thank you both for showing me true strength, the true meaning of being positive in life and for teaching many people above and beyond unconditional love. God has a special angel named Landon now but more than that you 2 have your own special angel for all of eternity. You loved him so very much and took such good care of him that he will now do so in return for you both with God at his side. God bless you and Thank you.

August 8, 2008 at 6:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about what happened! But I wanted to tell you I really admire you for how strong you are. To be so caring about that little boy to not let him suffer anymore is just amazing!! That takes someone with a huge heart and very strong. Landon was so special to have parents like you. It has made me look at things differently, here I am say ing that my kid drives me crazy and yelling at her when she doesn't listen and here you are grateful for everyday. It has made me come to see no matter what the circumstances are you don't take things for granted because you never know. I just wanted to let you know that you are someone to be looked up to for the person you are!! And in my beliefs I believe we will get to see Landon again in the resurrection! And I will be so thrilled to meet this little boy who is yet so little was still soo strong and fought so hard. What a joyous day that will be.

some bible scriptures that I find amazing I would like for you to read:

John chapter 11-
and
Revelation 21:4-
And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more, niether will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.

You both are in my prayers!

love angela.

August 8, 2008 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger *Mexi_Mama* said...

As a friend of Angela's your page has touched my life....You are one of the strongest mothers that i could not even imagine to ever be. I know there is nothing i could do to take your suffering away, but do remember baby Landon no longer suffers and you have released him from all evils and pain. He is your angel and always will be so now he gets to take care of you. My prayers go out to you and your family! I look up to you, Stevi

August 8, 2008 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Erin and Carlos,
I am Steve and Jennifer Benefields cousin and I just wanted to express my deepest sympathies for your loss. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God Bless.
Jessica

August 10, 2008 at 10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This poem was given to a friend of mine after her baby of nine days went to be in the arms of Jesus:

A Word of Consolation
If a tiny babe could think, it would be afraid of birth. To leave the only world it had known would seem a kind of death. But immediately after birth the child would find itself in loving arms, showered with affection and cared for at every moment. Passing through death is really a birth into a new and better world. Those who are left behind should not grieve as if there were no hope. Life is changed, not taken away. Our dear ones live on, in a world beautiful beyond anything we can imagine. There they await the day, when they will welcome us with joy.

Peace be with you.

August 11, 2008 at 7:12 AM  

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