Today we got to go see Landon at the funeral home. It was not at all like we expected it to be. They had him in a room to give us privacy, and as soon as I walked in and saw my baby in the casket I started crying. I went right over and picked him up. He was so different than the last time I held him. He was so cold, I think he was frozen because his body was stiff and would not move. Even where he has his baby fat, it would not move. They had his body wrapped in plastic, all except his head and hands. They put make up on him, and it looks horrible. I am going to talk to them tomorrow and try to have someone re-do it. We brought clothes to change him into, but we were afraid to because his body was so stiff. So we left them with the funeral home to change him, and we made sure they were going to put him into his new diaper I left with them. The one they had him in was ugly and way too big. His sweet baby smell was gone, all I could smell was the formaldehyde. Even though everything was so sad and so different, I am still glad we went to see him, I got to give him kisses and talk to him and hold him. It was so different holding him and kissing him, his skin was not like it used to be, it was leathery. I am not sure what to compare it too, but maybe a doll. It was Landon's body, but it defiantly was not Landon. It was so hard to see him like this, I miss him so much. I knew we'd always want a little more time with him, it was never going to be enough. But I really want him back! He is so alone, and thats not how it should be. He should be here with us.
-Erin-
5 Comments:
I know this is so terribly hard for you. But try to remember, that he is with God, in heaven. He is happy, and cared for, and watching over you and Charlie. He is in peace and not in pain anymore. I know it is hard to see, feel, and smell his body in its current state, but try to remind yourself that his soul is at peace.
I am so sorry Erin, I can't even imagine how hard it was for you and Charlie. But remember he is always with you and charlie always and he always will be because he will always be your beautiful baby boy. He will watch over Charlie and you every moment of everyday. He is no longer in pain but in joy to be able to be an angel watching over two of the most amazing parents ever. If there is anything at all I can help you guys with just message me. See you soon, and keep strong, you two are two of the strongest people I have ever met.
Landon is not alone. He is surrounded with more love and comfort and than any of us can imagine. He is your beacon now, the light that will someday shine your way home to God's heaven. Don't let that body that you hold now confuse your heart of who Landon is and will forever be.
My heart is with you and my thoughts are always consumed with your heartache and loss. I wish there was something that could lessen your pain and make this experience bearable. Keep a tight hold on each other and remember that it's your love for Landon and for each other that will help you through this time.
Thinking of you,
The Eklund Family
Carlos and Erin,
After reading your blog, it's very apparent that you're an amazing couple. You were able to spend time with Landon that I'm sure you didn't even expect and it looks like you treasured every single moment you had with him. My prayers are with you both and your entire family.
Andrea Gaskins
Erin and Carlos,
Landon is not alone, he does not hurt any more. I know you want him with you but it is not meant to be. We do not know why, but we will some day. But for now, you have to know that Landon is in Heaven, warm and happy. We love you and miss you all.
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